Lengthy Story About Kellie Pickler’s Abandonment
July 22, 2007 by Jeanne
Anybody who has wondered what the person Kellie Pickler is talking about in her song “I Wonder” has to say about it should read this. Kellie’s mom talks about her shame and abandonment of Kellie, who was just 2 years old. I’m sorry, the whole spousal abuse thing is an odd topic for me. If a man is abusing you, why would you run and leave your child behind? Why would you risk their life to save your own? I don’t get it. Well, anyway, here’s the story:
Choking back tears on the stage at Walnut Creek Amphitheater on Friday night, former “American Idol” sweetheart Kellie Pickler sang a song of questions to the mother who abandoned her.
In a church sanctuary not five miles away, Pickler’s mother, Cynthia Malone, prayed once more for the strength to fully forgive herself for deserting Pickler as a toddler.What was once a mother’s private shame has become national intrigue as Pickler, 21, a budding country music vocalist, penned a song about a little girl’s longing for a vanished mother. “I Wonder” is climbing the Billboard Hot Country Songs list, hitting No. 15 this month.
Malone, who lives in the Triangle, said it was hard to hear the first words her daughter had spoken to her in a decade uttered in a song on the radio. The lyrics are more mournful than angry, more pitiful than judging, but Pickler poses painful questions:
“Did you think I didn’t need you here/ To hold my hand/ To dry my tears/ Did you even miss me through the years at all?”
The song — and Pickler’s discussions about her tough childhood — unleashed a range of emotions for Malone. Embarrassment faded to anger, which turned to hurt. Now, Malone is using the conversation that Pickler started in a song to speak to strangers about her struggles.
Malone, 38, spoke last week about leaving her daughter and her efforts to escape abusive relationships. She said she is finally free and healthy and wants to help other victims of domestic violence. She has joined with Interact, Wake County’s domestic violence support center, to assist victims and hopes her unwelcome fame as Pickler’s estranged mom will make them listen.
“I can’t change anybody’s mind or their perception of me,” said Malone, widening dark eyes that match her daughter’s. “But, if I had a dream, it would be to help one girl. To let her know that you don’t have to do it by yourself.”
Pickler declined through her publicist, Wes Vause, to comment for this story. Vause said Pickler’s song captures her thoughts best.
Pickler sings in part: “Forgiveness is such a simple word/ But it’s so hard to do when you’ve been hurt.”
Pickler’s father, Clyde “Bo” Pickler Jr., 42, whom Kellie has described as an alcoholic often jailed during her childhood, is behind bars again in Stanly County. He was convicted last week of stealing cars and pawning them for scrap metal, a Stanly County Sheriff’s Office official said. Clyde Pickler is also on probation for assaulting his current wife with a steak knife. His attorney did not return calls.
Malone was 16 and a country girl living in Stanly County when she fell for Clyde Pickler. He pulled up to her window at a local McDonald’s drive-thru. She was smitten, and quickly they became a pair.
“He told me everything I wanted to hear,” Malone said. “He told me he loved me, that I was pretty, that he wanted to be there and protect me from my dad. I wholeheartedly believed him.”
Soon, Malone got pregnant with Kellie. She said she resisted family pressure to have an abortion and married Clyde Pickler instead. That was when the trouble started.
The beatings came fast and furious, Malone said. She tried to shield her bulging belly and had to take medicine to temper premature contractions.
“I knew God had to have a purpose for [Kellie] because there was too many times I would have miscarried because of all the hitting and beating on my stomach,” Malone said.
Eight months pregnant, Malone went to a baby shower with a black eye and busted lip. She told family members she had run into a wall. No one questioned her, Malone said.
Kellie’s birth in 1986 seemed to unleash even more violence in their home. Malone said she called police so many times that officers knew her by name. Once, she said, her husband threw her through a glass shower door and choked her before vanishing. For three days, Malone said, she wrapped Kellie in blankets and hid her behind their bed, in case her husband returned in a rage.Court and police records from these years are scattered and incomplete. Clyde Pickler was convicted of assault by pointing a gun in 1986; the victim was a family member of Malone’s. Malone described the abuse as far back as 1988 in custody and divorce records.
Malone said she has never known her former husband to harm Kellie.
“He wouldn’t,” she said. “She’s blood. His princess.”
By the summer of 1988, Malone had had enough. She had shut down and could think of little more than survival.
“When you’re in that place, you have to make a decision: her life or yours,” Malone said during an emotional five-hour interview. “I’d given her life, but I didn’t want to lose mine.”
The morning after an immobilizing beating, Malone said, she dropped 2-year-old Kellie off at her in-laws’, stuffed a few items in her car and headed to Jacksonville to hide with family. She grabbed a few baby pictures, Kellie’s baby blanket and the outfit she brought her home from the hospital in.
Malone told no one she was leaving.
A year later, Malone showed up at a custody hearing to try to preserve some custody rights to Kellie. Clyde Pickler’s parents, Clyde Sr. and the late Faye Pickler, asked a judge for full guardianship. Malone said she disappeared again after her husband threatened her life if she reappeared.
Malone stayed gone for many years. She would drive by her former in-laws’, though, and park near the road to catch a glimpse of Kellie playing in the yard. She looked happy, Malone recalled.
In 1995, Malone got herself together enough to reunite with her daughter. A judge granted her custody. Kellie was in the fourth grade.
Malone said it was good for about a day; the two baked cookies and played checkers.
Soon, their relationship unraveled. Malone said Kellie desperately longed for her grandparents. She threw fits and threatened to kill herself, Malone said. Kellie’s grandparents alleged in court records that Malone abused Kellie; a judge found her not guilty of child abuse.
Eventually Malone surrendered, heartbroken. She turned Kellie back over to the Picklers and took off again.
“I don’t know what was hardest,” Malone said — “watching her from afar or having her wrapped up beside me.”
It has been 10 years since the two have met. Malone said she lived for the glimpses of her daughter on “American Idol” in 2006. She recorded each episode and watched it again and again. She raves about Kellie’s voice.
In the years since they have parted, Malone has struggled. She said she survived a series of violent relationships and barely escaped with her life in 2002. An estranged husband lay in wait for her, Malone said, and attacked her. She suffered major brain damage and had to learn to walk and talk again. She has had eight surgeries to rebuild a shattered face and replace her teeth.
She fled to Colorado after that attack and changed her last name to Malone through a protection program for victims of domestic violence. She has kept a low profile since returning to North Carolina a few years ago. She lives in the Triangle and works in financial services but declined to be specific about her whereabouts. Malone is still wary one of her abusers will find her.
Malone doesn’t want to address her daughter through the media and won’t discuss their current relationship. Pickler’s publicist said he doesn’t think Malone and Pickler are in contact.
Pickler landed a recording deal with BNA Records and 19 Recordings and left Stanly County to launch her career. She fills her mom in on her adventure in the last verse of “I Wonder.”
“And just in case you’re wondering about me/ From now on I won’t be in Carolina/ Your little girl is off/ Your little girl is off/ Your little girl is off to Tennessee.”
KELLIE PICKLER “I WONDER” LYRICS
Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you’re out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your brown eyes looking back at me
They’re the only thing you ever gave to me at all
Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
There’s sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you’d say to me
I think about how it ain’t fair
That you weren’t there to braid my hair
Like mothers do
You weren’t around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom
Like mothers do
Did you think I didn’t need you here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all
Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
There’s sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you’d say to me
Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it’s so hard to do when you’ve been hurt
Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
And just in case you’re wondering about me
From now on I won’t be in Carolina
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off to Tennessee
Tags: kellie pickler i wonder, kellie pickler mother
Save the sap story lady, people still think your a bad mother, your mistake was driving away the first time without your kids. i dont know what kind of mother would do that, no matter how safe you thought she’d be, i would just want my child with me, and by the sounds of it your not doing everything you can to get a relationship back, its amazing what you have managed to put her through and how successful she has turned out to be, looks like she might do better if you just leave her alone!
I know how kelli feels. My mom also walked out on me also, when I was 3. She didn’t return until I was 11 and expected me to act like she never left. She has lived in my area since she returned to North Carolina, I have tried to forgive her and have a relationship with her and spend time with her and let get to know my children. I am 31 now and still have no mom, she constantly hurt threw the years. So in my opinion Kelli it is not worth it. Why try when she will continue to hurt you? Thank you Kelli for your song. Your words speak the feelings in my heart. Stay strong, life goes on. I have two beautiful daughters and I am a wonderful mom, they will never have to wonder about me.
Unless you have been in an abusive relationship you have no idea how you are going to react. You might think it is one way but the abuser beats you down emotionally before they touch you physically so I was amazed that I put up with as much stuff as I did. I did leave and I did take my daughter with me but I had a parental support system to help me and help protect me during the times of threats that followed leaving. My ex could no longer get at me but knew he could get at me by threatening to take my daughter away and the justice system is not always just. He was granted un-supervised visitation even though there was a police visit to our house after he tried choking me and our 6 week old daughter was in my arms at the time. Also back at that time they did not arrest the abuser so I was left in the house with him until I could get away. Also victims of domestic abuse hide the abuse because the shame that comes with having someone that should care for you think so little of you that they treat you that way and the blaming that the abuser heaps on the victim, “see what you made me do” “If only you had done _____ I wouldn’t have had to teach you a lesson” and so on and so forth. That song sounds like she wanted her mom to contact her now she doesn’t, I understand she is hurt but her immaturity is showing as well yet she expected her mom at an earlier age or the same age to have more maturity and coping skills to handle the abuse differently. If the dad was not an abuser why did charges get filed on him again for abuse, the family members protect the abusers as well. I pray for this family and I hurt for the abandoned little girl but I also can see why the mom felt like she had to leave. Thank God my situation turned out the way it did.
Kelli needs to get a grip and move on, seeing her break down on the CMA’s was pathetic – If the song is that emotional for you, don’t preform it – As for the mother – No one can judge her unless they have been 16 year old mothers, who were beaten regularly by their husbands – obviously the courts thought she was good enough to give Kellie back to her when she was in the 4th grade – and it looks like the mother made more of sacrifice for Kellie, by letting her grow up with safety and stability with her grandparents, obviously Kellie is either not bright enough or too self centered to understand what kind of sacrifice her made -
umm, sheena, that’s a bit harsh ! kellie’s been through some major hurt here and you’re just gonna critize her for it ? she can cry if she wants to. i think she’s amazing and strong. Especailly after losing her grandma. So… you wanna talk pathetic ? Attacking someone’s emotional feelings. BE NICE !
I like to think I can put myself in someone else’s shoes long enough to understand their point of view. Although, I feel terrible for Kellie to be denied something as vital in her life as a mother, there are circumstances that sometimes we cannot change. I was beaten when my children were younger, by their father. The courts were not so justified in their thinking of children back then. I was also left to turn my children over to a violent man and his family to fill my children with lies about me only to have them come back to me hating me and they didn’t understand. In my case, the paternal grandparents were to blame. They still are. My kids are puppets in the hands of sick people. While talking to my daughter the other night on her cell phone, her grandmother got on the landline (as I listened to the whole screaming match from grandma) and had her cell phone shut off to keep me from talking about senior pictures and invitations and such. My kids want to talk to me, see me, be with me and love me, but grandma is so warped and controlling that she has left everyone thinking that I, the accomplished person who gave horrific sacrifices for her children, is socially below her son, married 5 times with 6 children, deals dope and steroids and can’t support himself. Maybe Kellie can work some of this out in therapy. Maybe she can put on her mother’s shoes and listen to the story as an adult and stop thinking about what her mother was thinking leaving her, because that may not be the case as she has been told it to be. The second side of the story is always the surprise and may repair a relationship that the media will tear to shreds!!!!!
Kellie needs to grow up. I like many, have my own childhood story. Mom died when I was a child…raised by maternal grandparents….dad not in the picture..etc. Now, I do not have warm fuzzies about my Dad…but after over 16 years of no contact whatsoever, I learned to move past the hurt and anger. I have children of my own now. I have an 18 year career working with lawyers who do divorces and custody cases. I see what goes on in broken relationships, how the kids suffer. I know that my Dad loved me even though he never made efforts to be a part of my life. I do not love my father the way a daughter loves her daddy, but I respect the fact that in my early adulthood (about 15 years ago), he made an effort to contact me. We speak from time to time. It is called “maturity.” Kellie needs to get past her pain and feel her mothers. Yes, forgiveness is the key…and yes, anyone can do it. Kellie had a good upbringing. As she matures, she may realize that her mom did what was not easy for her, but what was best for her daughter. Her mom has all kinds of proof of the abused life she has lived. Why didn’t she get out of it a lot sooner? Why didn’t she take Kellie with her? Who knows? I’ve never been in her shoes. I haven’t read anything that indicates that she was a bad mother, a druggie, alcoholic, hooker or anything else like that. She did, however, feel like her in-laws would (and did) take care of Kellie while she found a way to be safe. Kellie should forgive her mom and try to be a part of her life, because they both deserve that relationship with each other.
I saw the emotional song done by Kelli on GMA. I didn’t realize what had been going on in her life.
Both people need to be reconcile.
Kelli you must began to forgive your mom because this will start the healing process in your heart and hers.
Ms. Malone you need to apologize to Kelli for abandoning her and know that she will forgive you.
Kelli I can see that you still want your mom to be a part of your life. Never give up on this!!
With man things are impossible but with God all things are possible!!! He knows your pain and wants to bring healing to your family again. Put it in His hands. He is in control now.
I love this song and when i heard it the first time it made me cry my mom ( well my birth mom ) has not been in my life since I was 12 and when I heard this song it made me think of how she will never know my sons and daughter.
*Amen theresa*…Bravo!!
Some of you really should be a little more sympathetic unless you have lived it you really don’t know how it is. I have a niece that had the same thing happen to her and she is a mess. I offered to take her and raise her but my mother in law did, her mother tried to contact her a few time with EMPTY promises. I would just like to know why Kelli’s mother is trying to come around now when she has become famous. Get a life LADY! I have 2 children and I could never imagine leaving them EVER! Nothing in this world could ever stop me from taking my kids with me.
We know nothing of the circumstances of Ms. Pickler’s mother’s youth. Was she abused? Did she have a loving, nurturing father/mother? Desperation and pain cause people to do things they later regret. The mother that left Kellie Pickler behind was a fearful, confused young girl, not a mature adult with knowledge and resources. I don’t fault Kellie Pickler for being hurt, but she’s got a long way to go to find healing, and it’s not in broadcasting her pain to the world and holding her mother up to ridicule, without seeking understanding and reconciliation.
I think kellys mom is hot. I want to date her. I can relate to her.
i love kellie pickler leave her alone! i went to her concert last night and she was amazing! i feel very sorry for her! but like she said at her show she has gotten over it!
kellie ,iknow it hurt .thing will get better i saw you on the cma awards show . you go girl .i am one of your fans .
Kelli,
Everytime you sing, “I Wonder”, your hurt on being abandoned only deepens. You and your mother should sat down and get some counseling. It is very important for you to keep trying in this relationship. If I could say one thing to your mother it would be that she needs to stop being prideful and do what she needs to do. Everyone has been hurt. She needs to put your feelings before her own. She abandoned you and you did not abandoned her. Stop blaming yourself. Continue to love and be kind to her and hope that the kindness of God will draw her heart back to forgive herself as well.
kellie , you do what you think is right, but dont put yourself in your moms shoes, you really dont know what actually happened. And you are not god to judge.. your mom will always be your mom, and maybe she didnt do things correctly, but why bother to write her a song, that hit #1, if when she finally came around you dont even try talking to her..Maybe you should do as you write forgive and forget… I bet your mom really loves you give her another chance…..
Kellie is Country Music’s Princess Idol, her past will make her appreciate
fame/material things/family more hopefully, if she keeps her feet on the ground and not get above her raising, remember where you came from/where you got to/ how you got there/ who was w/you from day 1 and most of all God, and 1 of God’s commandments are honor thy mother & father…no matter what, be the better person show respect, you don’t have to have a family reunion just
kindness to say hi….you will love yourself more in the long run and show God how thankful you are for his Blessings that he has given you…just my thoughts..been there done that w/my Mom and Dad, both dead now and life’s to short to live w/anger…
Y’all shouldn’t judge the situation at all, if y’all want to do something, just give ‘em support rather than critisizing the situation!
people. i went to kellie picklers concert couple years ago. and she looked happy as can be. Quit bringing up the stupid sadness and she will be fine! GOD
who ever is one here being mean to her mom or kellie then you guys have no right to be on this site because they are both heartbroken and they don’t need anymore pain from random people they don’t know, if anything they need support, yes when the mother did was wrong and her mother can see that so STOP telling her to get a life and all that…..how would you feel if you did that to your kid because you were so young and felt bad and had people jump on you for it? not so good! and for kellie i love her, she can sing her heart out, she’s famous she can wright about anything she wants. leave the both of them alone if you are going to be mean…..your not in her shoes, you dont know what shes feeling to if your not going to support te both of them then GET OFF THIS SITE BECAUSE THEY DONT NEED THAT!!!!!
this also goes with the above comment, i love kellie….shes amazing!
IF YOUR GOING TO BE MEAN GET OFF THIS SITE NOW!!!!!! kellies mother knows what she did was wrong so why do you have to rub it in her face and make her feel worse? thats just wrong, i guess yall have no life so thats why. and if your really going to be mean to kellie about and tell her to get over it then you are not a good fan. if your even going to be on this side then be supported to both of them, they don’t need more stress than what they have. I’m sure her mom is a wonderful person and she’s knows what she did was wrong and stupid and she even said if she can go back in time she would change what happened. stop being mean, your not in their shows you don’t know how they are feeling inside. you just need to get a life and leave kellie and her mom alone if your going to be jerks about the situation, cuz like a keep sayig they dont need it they have enough going on as it it! those who tell kellie to get over it then you need to get over your self because for 1 its easier said than done for 2 YOUR NOT IN HER SHOES!!!!!!!!! so back off of the both of them!!!!! I LOVE YOU KELLIE!!!!!
I think it’s a terrible story and wonderful song….And you guys who rag on Kellie saying ‘why’d she even write the song” blah blah? You know why she wrote the song? Probably because she needed to vent her feelings…and she’s a singer, how else is she going to do this besides in music…I’m a singer too so I know, it’s magical to put your feelings to music, I’ve done it. Kellie’s story is so sad and so is her mom’s…I feel sorry for both of them…I think Kellie’s mom should have at least taken her with her, but I can’t criticize her either because I don’t know the full story and neither does anyone else here so you shouldn’t judge…Kellie you’re a wonderful person and beautiful singer, here’s to you!